Couples and money: Making it work
Warren Buffet said in the HBO’s 2017 documentary that the biggest decision of your life will be who you choose to marry. Later that year, during a conversation with Bill Gates at Columbia University he said, “You want to associate with people who are the kind of person you’d like to be. And the most important person by far in that respect is your spouse.”
Once you have met that person, maintaining a good relationship requires effort. And having a good understanding of your and your partner’s finances is part of a healthy and successful relationship.
Here are some ideas about how to make sure your finances support your relationship.
Open communication
Finances can be a touchy topic for couples. Often one or both parties have had a difficult experience with finances when they were younger.
I often hear from Gen Zer’s that witnessing their parents losing money during the financial market meltdown in 2008-9 left a lasting mark on their impression of investing. Even though they now have many years until retirement, some Gen Zer’s are reluctant to take even small amounts of risk in the stock market even though they have decades to invest for retirement.
Others have told me that money was always the source of great tension in the family when they were growing up. As such, discussions about money are associated with anxiety and conflict, which were to be avoided.
While conversations about money have historically been a private matter, discussing your life and financial goals with your partner is very important. If you are going to be spending years with this person, you both need to share your individual goals so that each has a clear understanding of what is important to the other. You’ll need to figure out your common ground so that you can both be happy and confident in your future together.
Some of my clients have a monthly “financial date night” when they review their short- and long-term goals and finances. It is a good check-in meeting to discuss need ideas and report on current income and spending.
If monthly is too often for you, consider holding your “financial date night” on the anniversary of your meeting or wedding. It can be a good opportunity to check on your progress and bring up topics you care about but don’t normally discuss at the end of your day.
These date nights do not need to include extensive reporting and big spreadsheets. The most important part is openly and honestly discussing your finances with your partner.
Agree to make long term goals a shared priority
Saving for retirement, purchasing a home and protecting your family are typically shared goals for couples. If you are going to spend years together, why wouldn’t you have shared goals? And, writing down your goals can make a big difference. According a study done by Dr. Gail Matthews at Dominican University in California, writing down your goals can result in a 33-42% increase in achievement of your goals.1
Be transparent about money
Sharing your respective income, debt, assets and other finances can help both of you better understand each other and plan better. Sharing information about finances such as significant student loan or other debt, assets, future obligations such as going to grad school, and other items with a “full disclosure” approach will help to head off surprises. These conversations can strengthen your understanding of yourself and your partner. Hiding anything in a relationship is generally a recipe for disaster.
Respect your partner’s approach to money
We all arrive at the money conversation with our partners with unique and sometimes difficult situations. Respect your partner’s situation and be patient and empathetic. I often see that couples that have been divorced have a very different approach to sharing their financial information and resources than those who have either never married or are married for the first time. The hard lessons of divorce including costly divorce proceedings can lead to more of a, “This is my money and not yours” approach. It is important to respect those tendencies and try to work together to support your common goals and shared dreams.
Protecting your family
Whether you have children or not, agreeing to protect your family should be a priority as a couple. After all, a crisis for one without preparation can lead to a crisis for both. As with any good financial plan, having an Emergency Fund that either can access in a crisis can help you avoid unnecessary stress. Also having adequate life, health, disability and liability insurance can also help to protect the life you are building together.
Finally, having a proper estate plan can help to avoid any misunderstandings at death. This is especially important for second marriages and when stepchildren and children are involved. It does not mean you automatically need an elaborate estate plan, just written documents that carry out your wishes and your partner’s wishes. Knowing how you both want your estate settled with the legal documents to back them up can help protect you and your family.
Making it work
There is no one way to manage personal finances for couples. Set up your arrangement in a way that makes the most sense for both of you. Perhaps one of you takes on paying all of the bills and the other manages big purchases, insurance or investments. By sharing the responsibilities, you can each take on the area that you are most comfortable with.
Key to making it work is being open and communicating your situation to each other. Assuming your partner is fine with you buying that big boat or treating it as only your decision can add stress to your relationship. This is a less glamorous part of being a couple, but a very important one.
Couples can find it difficult to talk about money. But making an effort to communicate, and share goals and responsibilities can help both of you be happier and successful financially. If you have questions about the best ways for couples to manage their finances, give me a call. While I’m not a marriage counselor, I’m happy to share ideas that may help you work together towards your common financial goals. You can schedule a quick call with me by clicking HERE.
Lyman H. Jackson
Lyman@PlanWithFPS.com
617-630-4978
Click HERE to receive our award-winning newsletter. We never share your info and you can unsubscribe at any time. Check out our other blogs at www.PlanWithFPS.com/blog
· Why plan? After all, I’m not going to live very long
· The Big Beautiful Bill Act and the deficit: Should I be worried?
· Questions from my Gen Z kid about money
1 ScienceBeta.com, retrieved 8/25/2025, https://sciencebeta.com/study-confirms-smart-strategies-for-achieving-goals/
©2025 by Financial Planning Solutions, LLC (FPS), a Registered Investment Advisor. Reprinting or redistribution only by permission. This blog was written by a professional with 30 years of real-world experience in finance. AI did not write this article. FPS provides this blog for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing in this blog should be considered investment, tax, or legal advice. FPS only renders personalized advice to each client after entering into an advisory relationship. The information herein includes opinions and forward-looking statements that may not come to pass. Information is derived from sources believed to be reliable. Information is at a point in time and subject to change without notice. Such information may not be independently verified by FPS. Please see the important disclosures link at the bottom of this page.