My son moved 3,000 miles away
How does a parent cope when a child moves away?
My son Sam recently moved to Seattle. It all happened so quickly. He saw a job online at Blue Origin that seemed like a good fit (Programming rockets or some such thing), applied and then had a series of interviews.
After five interviews, they offered him the job. The only glitch was, he needed to start next week.
Not a whole lot of time for me to get used to the idea.
We packed up his apartment (luckily Sam is a minimalist), loaded up our two cars, and drove everything to a basement of a rental property I have.
With not a whole lot of time to spare, we drove to the airport. I gave him a hug, and then watched this young man walk through the terminal.
On the way home, I was flooded with emotions. Memories poured in and between some tears there was a smile or two as I recalled something we did or a movie we watched or a laugh we shared.
When a child moves far away, even for exciting reasons like a new job or a closer relationship, it can stir a mixture of emotions—pride, happiness for them, and, of course, feelings of loss or longing. For many parents, it’s an adjustment, especially if you’ve been used to having your child close by. Sam lived in Lowell before the move and was about 45 minutes away.
If you're facing this emotional transition, here are some practical steps I’m trying to use to ease the feelings of missing your child and maintaining a strong bond, even from 3,000 miles away.
Bear in mind, I’m still learning how to best cope with these feelings.
1. Embrace the Positive
Remind yourself of why this move is a great opportunity for your child. Reflect on the positive aspects—the professional growth, the personal development, and, in Sam’s case, being closer to his girlfriend. (I’m sure their long distance relationship was getting old). Focusing on their happiness can help soften the sadness. I can honestly say, he sounds more upbeat and positive in our conversations since he has been there. Reminding myself how much better he is doing in his new life has helped divert some of my sadness.
2. Set Regular Communication
Thanks to modern technology, staying in touch has never been easier. Set up regular check-ins, whether it's a weekly video call, texting, or sharing updates through social media. You can even get creative with ways to stay connected, like sending voice messages or pictures from daily life. It helps create a sense of closeness despite the distance.
3. Create New Traditions
Just because they’re miles away doesn’t mean you can’t create new family traditions. Plan virtual movie nights where you both watch the same film and chat about it afterward or start reading a book together. These shared experiences help reinforce a sense of connection and provide something to look forward to.
4. Plan Visits Wisely
Though frequent visits may not be feasible, planning occasional trips can help bridge the distance. Use the visits as special moments to bond and explore the new city they live in. Sam is living in a great place with lots to do so I’m looking forward to exploring with him at some point. Encourage them to come home for holidays or other significant occasions. Having a future visit planned can also give you something to look forward to, making the separation more manageable.
5. Nurture Your Own Interests
It’s important to focus on your own personal growth. Revisit hobbies you may have put on hold, start new projects, or join groups where you can meet new people. While your child’s move marks a change in your relationship, it’s also a great time for you to explore new activities that bring fulfillment. Sam and I were planning on building some furniture together before this change happened. Even though we won’t be doing that together, I can share photos with him and get his feedback on some design ideas.
A younger version of Sam (and me!) doing a renovation project
6. Lean on Your Support Network
Don’t hesitate to share your feelings with friends or other family members. Chances are, others in your life have gone through something similar. Talking about your experience can help ease some of the emotional burden. You may even get some helpful tips on how to cope from those who’ve been there.
7. Write Letters
In this fast-paced, digital age, writing a letter can be a meaningful way to communicate. Letters allow you to express your thoughts and feelings in a more reflective manner, and your child will likely cherish the gesture. It’s a tangible way to feel connected, and something they can hold onto. I know for me, I would have loved to have some letters from my dad to read now.
8. Celebrate Their Success
Remember that part of being a parent is seeing your child thrive and make their way in the world. Though it may be hard to adjust, celebrating their successes—both big and small—can fill you with pride and help shift your focus toward their achievements. Recognizing the impact you’ve had on their journey is an important reminder that your relationship remains strong, no matter the distance. If they are thriving in their new environment, that is a good sign that you did something right.
9. Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s normal to feel sad, lonely, or even anxious about the distance between you and your child. Allow yourself to acknowledge and process those feelings. Talking to a counselor, journaling, or even just giving yourself time to adjust can help you navigate this new phase in a healthy way. Sometimes, for me, the emotions seem to come at the oddest times.
10. Stay Flexible
Finally, remember that relationships evolve. Your connection with your child will continue to grow and shift, even if it looks different from what you're used to. Embrace the change and stay flexible, knowing that the love and bond between you will remain strong, no matter how far apart you are. I was only 19 when my dad died so I never had the chance to get to the next chapter with him. I’m fortunate that I have had that experience with Sam and look forward to what comes next.
Final Thoughts
While having your child move far away can be tough, it’s also an opportunity for both of you to grow in new ways. By maintaining regular communication, creating new traditions, and investing time in your own interests, you’ll find the distance becomes more manageable. And ultimately, the joy of seeing your child flourish in this new chapter of their life will outweigh the initial challenges.
I miss him.
Have you been or going through a similar experience? I’d love to hear your story and how you dealt with this transition.
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All the best.
Rick Fingerman, CFP®, CDFA™, CCPS®
617-630-4978
Rick@PlanWithFPS.com
Financial Planning Solutions, LLC (FPS) provides this blog for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing in this blog should be considered investment, tax, medical, or legal advice. FPS only renders personalized advice to each client. Information herein includes opinions and source information that is believed to be reliable. However, such information may not be independently verified by FPS