Empty Nesters: What do you do now?
The kids have graduated from college, have good-paying jobs and are living in their own apartments in nice neighborhoods a short drive away.
--Okay, one can dream right?1
The point is that your young adult children have been more or less launched and now your life is changing: more time to do things you’ve always wanted, less spending on groceries and kids’ activities, and sometimes a sense of loss.
I remember when our daughter left for her freshman year of college. That was the beginning of her new adventure of her living independently from us. It was a gradual process that is continuing to this day. I’m pleased to see her taking steps every year to be more responsible for herself. One way I know that is by making sure that I keep in touch but hold back on always telling her how to live her life. As a parent, this is one of the hardest things NOT to do. Here are some ideas for adapting to your new empty nester life.
Spend more time caring for yourself
When you’ve spent 20 years guiding and nurturing your child, changing to a hands off approach does not come easily. Parents always put their children first. And now they’re gone. It can leave an empty feeling.
Now it is time to start spending more time caring for yourself. This includes taking care of your mental and physical health. No longer are you that young, spry parent. Twenty years have likely gone by where you’ve done a little less exercising, eating right or paying attention to your body. As one moves into the empty-nester phase, its time to get your health and body in shape for the next phase. Joining a gym might be a good option for some, but it is more important to select activities that are right for you from walking every day to running in marathons—pick activities that you know you can stick with and are right for you.
Take advantage of changing finances
While you might not feel like you are spending less on groceries for the kids, your spending is changing. Be careful not to begin a pattern of splurging because it is often the time when parents need to re-assess their progress towards retirement. After years of paying for their kids’ expenses, now there may be an opportunity to get caught up on retirement savings. Especially after paying bill college tuition bills for years, you might suddenly feel flush with cash.
With less time until retirement, you’ll need to figure out how much you need to save now in order to retire when you want. It may also be a time when you re-evaluate your work-life balance, too. Do you still want to keep working in this job until retirement? What about something different? What about a more fulfilling job? –This is a good time to re-assess your situation.
Explore new activities and make new friends
Again, after raising your kids, your social circles may be changing. Those soccer parents that you used to hang out with after games may be fading away. It’s time to begin building new friendships and experiencing new things. With more time, it may be a good time to pick up a hobby you’ve had to put aside. For me that’s clearing off the train table in the basement and organizing my workshop and taking on new household projects. For so many years, I felt like I had no time to spend on those things. Just this past weekend I was able to make some big improvements to how my workshop is set up. It felt great!
More travel
Free of the kid-focused trips, now you can go visit places that are on your bucket list. And, it’s a lot simpler, too. Whether travel means spending more weekends away or big, extended vacations does not matter. You should take trips that fit your lifestyle.
Just because you are taking trips without kids doesn't mean there are no family vacations. In fact, I recommend planning vacations that include your young adult children. It provides the opportunity to spend time with them while having fun together. But you’ll likely need to get their input vs. being “the decider” on destinations when they were young.
After decades of bringing up your kids, transitioning to the empty nest can be both liberating and challenging. Getting the right balance is important to your long running happiness.
If you have questions about the best ways make your way through the empty-nest phase, give me a call. I’m happy to share my experiences and ideas that may help you make this transition. You can schedule a quick call with me by clicking HERE.
Lyman H. Jackson
Lyman@PlanWithFPS.com
617-630-4978
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1The idea that your son or daughter’s college graduation means you are free from parenting responsibilities is no longer the standard. Young people ages 18-25 have one of the highest unemployment rates by age. They also are faced with much higher housing costs than when prior generations were striking out on their own. They also have different attitudes toward work than other generations. Things ARE different for them and that means their “launch” is different, too
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