Empty Nesters: When the kids come home to roost
Many of you know that we have three young adult children. Our oldest just moved back home and is still in grad school. Our middle child just got a full-time job and is living at home. And our youngest is finishing up his undergraduate degree before heading off to grad school. Over Thanksgiving everyone was home and it was quite a scene. Five cars trying to park in a driveway for four. Eight toothbrushes in the bathroom (someone still has to explain that to me). Dishes filing up the sink just as I finished washing the last one.
To say the least, it has required an adjustment.
When the kids were young I had dreams of their graduations and them getting their own apartments living away from us—but close enough that they could stop by for dinner once in a while. But things are definitely different than what I was expecting.
With two of our adult children now living with us, it is like those high school days without the constant driving of kids to soccer or volleyball practice. Now the main question is, “Where is [insert young adult name here]? Are they coming home for dinner? What are they doing in [insert some questionable location that no one in the family has been to]? Should we be concerned?
Young adulthood is different than when I was a kid
I think one of the hard realities today is understanding that circumstances are very different for our kids. Housing is so expensive in the Boston area that getting an apartment can consume half of one’s paycheck or more. And getting a job right out of college is getting harder. Just this week, The Boston Globe ran an article about today’s job market for twentysomethings being one of the most difficult in several decades. While I know of several parents whose young adult children have had a stereotypical progression from college directly to their first job, it is definitely not universal. Some young graduates are taking a year off after graduation to travel before settling down to the serious work of finding a job. They know that they’ll have to work hard for a number of years. So, they want to see the sights before a job will restrict how often they can travel.
I realize now that my progression through business school and then to a job and then grad school and then work again was pretty serious. Perhaps too serious. Did I forego travel or other leisure opportunities for the sake of saving too much? I don’t think so. Having grown up the son of an elementary school teacher and single parent, we were not taking expensive vacations. I’ve always tried to have a modest approach to spending (e.g., for more than 30 years I’ve always bought used cars until this year).
Cutting your kids some slack
With two adult children living at home with different schedules, habits, friends, and social activities—one has to adapt. We forget that once our children enter adulthood our job description changes from PARENT to CONSULTANT. We don’t get to tell our kids how to live their daily lives anymore (at least,
that’s what they would prefer). They are now living their own lives—just in our house. This does not mean that mom and dad get to make all the meals, do all the dishes and take out all the trash. Living with young adults should be like living with roommates in an apartment—everyone has responsibilities and jobs and everyone needs to be considerate of the other roommates.
Recognizing this is never easy but it is necessary. We could continue to pamper our kids. I still remember going home to New Hampshire during my single years and bringing all of my laundry (just like I did in college) and mysteriously it would end up in the clothes washer and then the dryer, sometimes neatly folded and waiting for me to throw in my bag before heading back to Boston (Thanks, Mom!).
But pampering these young adults is unwise if you want them to become independent and self-sufficient adults.
Paying rent
Living at home is not free. There are utility bills to be paid, lawns to be mowed and things to be fixed around the house. If my two young adult kids who are living at home are reading this blog, they will learn that in 2026 they are going to start paying us rent. Not a lot but something. In my mind, this is part of their contribution to covering household expenses and also the discipline of paying bills every month—an important life skill.
Learning how to do stuff
In addition, I’ve been pulling the kids into different projects around the house. A couple of years ago I decided to cut the cord and ditch cable. In doing so, I bought a digital antenna and asked Reid to help me install it on the roof of our family room. That involved running a few wires, getting up on the roof and screwing the antenna into the side of the house. He helped me do it and got some experience with using the power drill and safely climbing on the roof—life skills that he may need some day in the future (who doesn’t like using a power drill?).
As I look back on my twenties, it all seemed pretty straightforward—getting a job, paying rent, hanging out with friends. The part I am forgetting is how it was not a straight line. After I got my first job at Grossman’s Lumber Company—a predecessor to Lowes and Home Depot—I quit after four months and moved back home. Thankfully I landed a job at Fidelity four months later and moved back to Boston. During those early years I did my share of couch surfing and changing jobs. Through it all there was uncertainty about what was coming next and where I wanted to land, long term. Today it all seems so logical but at the time there were many questions and uncertainty about the future.
So, as you talk with your young adult children who are taking their time or having a hard time figuring out their futures, remember that it may not be a straight line (if there is even a line to follow!). Relationships are a whole other topic but the same holds true there, too. In fact, whoever your kids decide to partner with or marry can be the single most important decision of their life with many long term implications.
We all hope that they will make the right decisions in life, jobs, career and partners, but often the road has many turns. Be sure to cut your kids some slack if they need it. I’m going to try.
Adapting to life after your kids have graduated from college and living at home is sometimes complicated. If you have questions about this period, give me a call. I’m happy to discuss my experiences, their impacts on finances and how to make the best decisions given your circumstances. You can schedule a quick call with me by clicking HERE.
Lyman H. Jackson
Lyman@PlanWithFPS.com
617-630-4978
Click HERE to receive our award-winning newsletter. We never share your info and you can unsubscribe at any time. Check out our other blogs at www.PlanWithFPS.com/blog
· New market highs and the AI race: Will it end badly?
· Couples and money: Making it work
©2025 by Financial Planning Solutions, LLC (FPS), a Registered Investment Advisor. Reprinting or redistribution only by permission. This blog was written by a professional with 30 years of real-world experience in finance. AI did not write this article. FPS provides this blog for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing in this blog should be considered investment, tax, or legal advice. FPS only renders personalized advice to each client after entering into an advisory relationship. The information herein includes opinions and forward-looking statements that may not come to pass. Information is derived from sources believed to be reliable. Information is at a point in time and subject to change without notice. Such information may not be independently verified by FPS. Please see the important disclosures link at the bottom of this page.